“There must be a trauma related incident from your past that has exacerbated this?” asked the therapist. I gripped each side of the armchair, feeling my nails start to bite into the soft fabric.
“Well, there’s the attack by a stranger when I was 7, my dad being killed in a road accident at 9, being mentally and physically abused from 13 to 19, being medically retired from the police force and finally the road accident that smashed my career as a famous psychic medium and that I’m like a 90 year old with chronic illness, where do you want to start?” I spat. My cheeks burned crimson as I knew that I was projecting my anger onto this poor lady who just wanted to help. The room was all ‘love and light’ with crystals, incense and spiritual pictures. ‘I want to smash every single picture and pathetic crystal,’ I thought with fired blood.
When I got home after the session, I cried. I cried for my old life and the fact that a road accident had created a vicious condition that raged through my body every single second of every agonising day. Bedbound for years with ME and Fibromyalgia, I had lost my faith and my reason for being. Darkness offered its comfort which I accepted refusing to embrace any light. I had lost everything, my home, career, life, health, soul, my connection to the angel and spirit realms and willed any end to it all, including death.
I had been psychic since birth carrying on the family legacy that had laced through us all for hundreds of years. I had started full time mediumship after being retired from Essex Police as a Major Investigations Detective. I would travel the world speaking in seminars, teaching in workshops, taking the public on spiritual retreats and paranormal investigations. I would adore my stage work bringing messages from the dead. I loved the selective spiritual TV programmes that I did. I was writing in many different magazines and had just written my first book and was riding high on a wave that took me to every shoreline to share my spiritual knowledge and experience. At that point however, on reflection, I wrote to a deadline and whatever I thought people would want to read about. I had no fire run through me with each word I expressed and typed out.
One night, when I again was grieving my old life back in the days of my chronic illness, I had a light bulb moment. It was surreal. I had delivered everything within me to help humankind but I realised that I had never embraced the power of spirituality for myself. I was a conduit passing on all of my ethereal knowledge but kept nothing for me. I walked into the garden in the early hours of the morning and realised that it was a full moon. I knelt on the damp grass and opened my arms out and surrendered my soul to the Universe. In between heaving gulping sobs, I asked for the angels and the Spirit World to assist me and take me from this darkness.
It was that simple. I can only describe that night as an awakening. Smashes and bangs in the house heralded their arrival. Small white feathers left in the most obscure places announced that my pleas had been heard. The next thing that took place I can only describe as a soul boot camp. I would dream very lucidly of all of my past traumas. In the morning I felt that I had to write out the dreams in my soul journal. As I did this, I would get a vision of whatever crystal I needed for that specific time to aid the healing. When that particular dream phase ended, the next trauma slotted into my dream state. My Nan in spirit showed me a drug that I have never heard of that when I got it allowed me to be released from my five-year bedded prison. Angels introduced themselves and guided me on what I had to do next.
My guide Julianus explained that I had had a fifth dimensional transition and the accident was a way to bring me back to a place that they could assist me. The feeling of not being alone was immense. I could feel my soul gathering pace and strength as each month of healing went by. New people were placed in front of me to help me heal, drum healers, massagers, gong bathers, hypnotists, therapists to name but a few.
I then had the most important dream of my life. A dream that fired a new obsession, writing. I felt I was actually there as I clearly experienced the most amazing fictional story of how God changes the Laws of the Universe in order to save humankind. I started writing that book that morning and finished it in three months. I now know that my spiritual dream and visions had spiritual truth in them as what I had written that I thought was fiction has come to pass in reality.
Within a year, I had a permanent home, cleared my debt, had three columns in magazines and I felt at peace with my past and a sense of gratitude for the smallest of things.
My guide had told me that I was to share my knowledge through writing as my body was going to take longer to heal. With this newfound passion and goals to set at my own pace I found a reason for living, a reason for looking forward. The most amazing shift has been my sense of peace and contentment. I have discovered selflove like never before. I sit and watch nature and smile at its magnificence. I am grateful for the smallest of things. The material world no longer pulls me into its heavy claws, the monster being ego, financial fear and physical gain. My body may still be broken, but my soul has now recovered to a strong, resonating mass of energy that has been awakened and now throbs with the pulse of the Universe.
In my darkest days of misery, I was so closed down that I could not see the tiny sparkle of light that kept glimmering, offering a way out. Surrender is the answer. By handing myself over to the Universe irrespective of my beliefs at the time, I found the answer and the path to enlightenment. It was then that I saw the irritating glimmer of light and realised that it was to grow into a doorway that led me from the abyss of darkness that I was so familiar with.
I lived to share my strength and how I moved from the darkness. I kept my soul journal during my ‘prison years’ and logged how I suffered, how I surrendered and how the magnificence of an unseen world embraced me and nurtured my passion to survive and thrive. I was encouraged to make my diary a book and through synchronicity, I was shown that I had to put it out to publishers, the last thing that I ever expected to do.
My diary, my sacred journey from horror to utopia now reaches people across the globe. I thought that having my memoir published would sate my appetite to share my secrets of survival and the magic of the celestial world, but no, it just made me hungry to share more of my esoteric knowledge. My second book is almost complete and ready to share with the world. I am amazed at how so much trauma has manifested into such beauty. The third is within me, bursting to be expressed on paper and I know that this will never end, the need to share my passion with the world.
Not even I could have predicted that I would go through such a transition from Police Detective to Psychic Medium to Author! One should never limit their beliefs, their potential or their future. The Universe is laden with gifts for each and every one of us, all we have to do is stop, ask and believe that we deserve it…